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Too Hot To Hoot

by Boots & The Hoots

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Crooked Nose
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Crooked Nose You gotta love the wordplay. I'm a sucker for puns. The ironic poking fun of the genre while evidently loving it to bits is beautiful. Favorite track: Whisk All The Drinky.
Oynque
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Oynque Like the other two recordings, a fun set of country songs with twang. Favorite track: Whisk All The Drinky.
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1.
Wooden saddle on my mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass Got a wooden saddle on my Mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass I woulda made it out to Fernie if I hadn't got them splinters in my ass I'm gonna find me a purdy lil' mama and take her out on a honky-tonkin' spree I'll find me a purdy lil' mama and take her out on a honky-tonkin' spree But when I found that purdy lil' mama she said she don't know what honky-tonkin' means I watched the sun come up and I heard the rain rollin' in I watched that big bright sun come up and I heard the rain rollin' in After I watched the sun come up I couldn't see a doggone thing I'm leavin' this evenin', just a little while after dark I'm leavin' this evenin', just a little while after dark I'm gonna find me some place where there ain't nobody callin' me Mark You're a well traveled man, you've been on dang near every continent You're real well traveled man, you've been on dang near every continent But you stayed in a five star hotel in every single place you went Wooden saddle on my mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass Got a wooden saddle on my Mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass I woulda made it out to Fernie if I hadn't got them splinters in my ass
2.
All them lawyers, employers and weekend warriors Scooters, commuters and moped enjoyers The scramblers, the ramblers and the climbers of the hill With their knees in the breeze on the hunt for the thrill Well if you ride a Harley that's okay I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line The wind on my chin eased my worried mind Flat track, tarmac, board track or grass Enduros and Euros they ain't too bad on gas They might seem scary but the most dangerous part Is the nut connecting the seat to the handlebar Well if you ride a Honda that's okay I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line The wind on my chin eased my worried mind Bobbers and choppers and the bobbers that chop Baggers and dragsters that need a parachute to stop You might think I'm crazy but I'll ask you this, Have you ever seen a motorcycle outside a psychiatrist? Well if you ride a Beemer that's okay I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line The wind on my chin eased my worried mind Eased my worried mind
3.
Had me a gal as smart as they come Never in my life have I felt so dumb Had me a woman as wild as a rose When she took to leavin' she took my clothes I aint gonna cry, I aint gonna sulk Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown I thought you were the one But I'll be a son of a gun If you ain't just one of too many to count I thought she was the finest around But so did every fool in this one horse town To that woman I gave my heart But she told me it was her or my guitar I ain't gonna cry, I ain't gonna sulk Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown I thought you were the one But I'll be a son of a gun If you ain't just one of too many to count She drank my booze to the bottom And tell me I got a drinkin' problem She told me she wanted to take my name But that's the only thing she didn't want me to change I ain't gonna cry, I ain't gonna sulk Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown I thought you were the one But I'll be a son of a gun If you ain't just one of too many to count If you aint just one of them too manys to count
4.
Higher than those B.C. pines, If you got the bread I got the time They say a dab'll do, I'll take five. Head full of honey like an ol' beehive Honeybee won't you be my queen I've got a buzz from your love and it's makin' me weak in the knees Have a hoot, pack that hall I'm the water and she's the oil Nails of red, hair of gold Oh hootin' Annie if I could be so bold Honeybee won't you be my queen I've got a buzz from your love and it's makin' me weak in the knees Rolled up asked her, honey what's the matter? She said her golden glass heart had just been shattered Grabbed her hand, zig-zagged 'cross the floor I'd never smelled a flower like her before Honeybee won't you be my queen I've got a buzz from your love and it's makin' me weak in the knees
5.
When Friday comes you’d better believe I got a whole lotta good timin’ up my sleeve. A whole lotta hijinx and honky tonkin’, a couple strong drinks and my feet start stompin’. Listen here buddy, you’ve been warned. If you poke the hive you’re bound to get the swarm. You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried. You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.” Well, some folks tell me that they’re afraid that my good timin’ will get me one of these days. Well don’t y’all worry your pretty little heads about me. I know a bar by the hospital and health care is free. So listen here Bucko, you’ve been warned. If you poke the bull you’re bound to get the horn. You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried. You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.” Sometimes my baby gets lowdown. Paintin’ on her nails while I’m paintin’ the town. I’ll stumble home hopin’ she’s asleep and find everything I own lying out in the street. So listen close Brother, you’ve been warned. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried. You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.”
6.
Livin' on the road a hundred nights a year Fueled by fried food and draught beer Meetin' good people, always havin' good times I don't know if I could go back to the other side of life On the other side of life All my pals got kids and wives Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it Livin' on the road from town to town Keeps my guitar warm and my boots on the ground Fast livin', fast women and all them fast handed dancers If I was a prayin' man, Lord, I'd say my prayers was answered On the other side of life All my pals got kids and wives Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it Sure there are times when I miss home But this road is the only life I've ever known And I know we'll be hittin' that dusty trail soon Where the only familiar sight is the light of the moon On the other side of life All my pals got kids and wives Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it And who in the world put antlers on that rabbit?
7.
Coffee Blues 02:29
I've had no cups of coffee Put my hat on the wrong feet Grind the water and boil the beans But first I'll comb my teeth I poured one cup of coffee But my arms were still asleep Poured half on my lap, half on my shirt And the third half down my sleeve I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse This here machine she runs on caffeine I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues I poured three cups of coffee Now I'm feelin' purdy hot When it boils right down to the finest grounds I'm still an empty pot I've had five cups of coffee Now I'm thinkin' bout my eighth Knees a-quiverin', teeth a-rattlin' But I'll sweat out these shakes I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse This here machine she runs on caffeine I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues I've had eleventeen cups of coffee Now I'm ready to leave the house Lock kids in the yard, put the dog in the car And I locked my darn self out Now I'm laid out in a gutter Jus' lookin' for a caffeine fix Grab some grounds from the trash, I'll strain 'em through my sock And chew right through the grits I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse This here machine she runs on caffeine I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues Them filthy stinkin' rotten awful coffee blues
8.
You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe Like a worn out piano, driftin' outta tune I've got the wrong key for every room You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe Like a bottle of whiskey on a hot summer night You always blame me for startin' every fight You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe Like the wreck of a Cadillac buried in the dirt I could be worth while but I could use a lot of work You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe Like the highest score on a pinball machine Nothin's as easy as it seems You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe
9.
My dog left me for another man My truck ran away with my heart My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts I'm gonna whisk all the drinky in this town I'll get so fall that I drunk down Them stops might try to cop me And give me a testalyzer breath It's just the hair of the cure to dog what ails ya In bail no pal to jail ya Spent money rent just a-tonky-honkin' into this mess My dog left me for another man My truck ran away with my heart My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts I lifted enough whiskey to ship a bottle off the ground But tonight I let the bottle down By girlin' every call in my ol' datebook You got to listen to your veggies and eat your folks Roll your own whiskey and pour your own smokes And be sure to cross both ways before you look My dog left me for another man My truck ran away with my heart My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts But she was in pretty rough shape anyways

credits

released June 26, 2015

All songs written by Mark "Boots" Graham*. *(Coffee Blues & Whisk All The Drinky co-written by Tyler Allen. Hootin' Annie co-written by Boots, Tyler Allen & Sean VandenBrink) Copyright © 2015 All Rights Reserved

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Boots & The Hoots Drumheller, Alberta

"Hardcore, traditional, songs of leavin', drinkin', and losin', but mainly drinkin', all enhanced by a tight rhythm section and plenty of of steel guitar. " - Country Music People Magazine 5 Star Review of "III"

" Wittily crafted, downtempo western melodies, a cactus in the ass of modern, power-ballad country crooners that forgot the music of their grandfathers." -EXCLAIM! Magazine
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