Too Hot To Hoot

by Boots & The Hoots

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released June 26, 2015

All songs written by Mark "Boots" Graham*. *(Coffee Blues & Whisk All The Drinky co-written by Tyler Allen. Hootin' Annie co-written by Boots, Tyler Allen & Sean VandenBrink) Copyright © 2015 All Rights Reserved

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Boots & The Hoots Red Deer, Alberta

" Wittily crafted, downtempo western melodies, a cactus in the ass of modern, power-ballad country crooners that forgot the music of their grandfathers." - Mackenzie Herd, EXCLAIM! Magazine

"Born to hootenanny they play swingin’ old-time country and have a real zinger of record called Pinecone Cowboy. " B. Simms Beatroute Magazine
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Track Name: Too Hot To Hoot
Wooden saddle on my mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass
Got a wooden saddle on my Mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass
I woulda made it out to Fernie if I hadn't got them splinters in my ass

I'm gonna find me a purdy lil' mama and take her out on a honky-tonkin' spree
I'll find me a purdy lil' mama and take her out on a honky-tonkin' spree
But when I found that purdy lil' mama she said she don't know what honky-tonkin' means

I watched the sun come up and I heard the rain rollin' in
I watched that big bright sun come up and I heard the rain rollin' in
After I watched the sun come up I couldn't see a doggone thing

I'm leavin' this evenin', just a little while after dark
I'm leavin' this evenin', just a little while after dark
I'm gonna find me some place where there ain't nobody callin' me Mark

You're a well traveled man, you've been on dang near every continent
You're real well traveled man, you've been on dang near every continent
But you stayed in a five star hotel in every single place you went

Wooden saddle on my mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass
Got a wooden saddle on my Mule and I'm ridin' through that Crow's Nest Pass
I woulda made it out to Fernie if I hadn't got them splinters in my ass
Track Name: Forever Two Wheels
All them lawyers, employers and weekend warriors
Scooters, commuters and moped enjoyers
The scramblers, the ramblers and the climbers of the hill
With their knees in the breeze on the hunt for the thrill

Well if you ride a Harley that's okay
I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA
If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line
The wind on my chin eased my worried mind

Flat track, tarmac, board track or grass
Enduros and Euros they ain't too bad on gas
They might seem scary but the most dangerous part
Is the nut connecting the seat to the handlebar

Well if you ride a Honda that's okay
I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA
If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line
The wind on my chin eased my worried mind

Bobbers and choppers and the bobbers that chop
Baggers and dragsters that need a parachute to stop
You might think I'm crazy but I'll ask you this,
Have you ever seen a motorcycle outside a psychiatrist?

Well if you ride a Beemer that's okay
I'm in the back of the pack on my ol' BSA
If you're lookin' for worry, hurry, get in line
The wind on my chin eased my worried mind
Eased my worried mind
Track Name: Dozen For A Dime
Had me a gal as smart as they come
Never in my life have I felt so dumb
Had me a woman as wild as a rose
When she took to leavin' she took my clothes
I aint gonna cry, I aint gonna sulk
Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk

A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time
I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown
I thought you were the one
But I'll be a son of a gun
If you ain't just one of too many to count

I thought she was the finest around
But so did every fool in this one horse town
To that woman I gave my heart
But she told me it was her or my guitar
I ain't gonna cry, I ain't gonna sulk
Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk

A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time
I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown
I thought you were the one
But I'll be a son of a gun
If you ain't just one of too many to count

She drank my booze to the bottom
And tell me I got a drinkin' problem
She told me she wanted to take my name
But that's the only thing she didn't want me to change
I ain't gonna cry, I ain't gonna sulk
Cos wimmen like you I can find 'em in bulk

A dozen for a dime just ain't worth my time
I'd rather wind up lonely than lowdown
I thought you were the one
But I'll be a son of a gun
If you ain't just one of too many to count
If you aint just one of them too manys to count
Track Name: Hootin' Annie feat Kayla Hotte
Higher than those B.C. pines,
If you got the bread I got the time
They say a dab'll do, I'll take five.
Head full of honey like an ol' beehive

Honeybee won't you be my queen
I've got a buzz from your love
and it's makin' me weak in the knees

Have a hoot, pack that hall
I'm the water and she's the oil
Nails of red, hair of gold
Oh hootin' Annie if I could be so bold

Honeybee won't you be my queen
I've got a buzz from your love
and it's makin' me weak in the knees

Rolled up asked her, honey what's the matter?
She said her golden glass heart had just been shattered
Grabbed her hand, zig-zagged 'cross the floor
I'd never smelled a flower like her before

Honeybee won't you be my queen
I've got a buzz from your love
and it's makin' me weak in the knees
Track Name: (Can't Stay) Drunk Forever
When Friday comes you’d better believe I got a whole lotta good timin’ up my sleeve. A whole lotta hijinx and honky tonkin’, a couple strong drinks and my feet start stompin’. Listen here buddy, you’ve been warned. If you poke the hive you’re bound to get the swarm.
You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried.
You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.”
Well, some folks tell me that they’re afraid that my good timin’ will get me one of these days. Well don’t y’all worry your pretty little heads about me. I know a bar by the hospital and health care is free. So listen here Bucko, you’ve been warned. If you poke the bull you’re bound to get the horn.
You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried.
You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.”
Sometimes my baby gets lowdown. Paintin’ on her nails while I’m paintin’ the town. I’ll stumble home hopin’ she’s asleep and find everything I own lying out in the street. So listen close Brother, you’ve been warned. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
You can’t stay drunk forever, lord knows I’ve tried.
You’ve been warned come Monday morn you’re gonna hang your head and cry. You can’t stay drunk forever. Let me tell you friend. There’ll come a day where you will say “I aint never gonna drink again.”
Track Name: Other Side Of Life
Livin' on the road a hundred nights a year
Fueled by fried food and draught beer
Meetin' good people, always havin' good times
I don't know if I could go back to the other side of life

On the other side of life
All my pals got kids and wives
Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits
I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name
When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it

Livin' on the road from town to town
Keeps my guitar warm and my boots on the ground
Fast livin', fast women and all them fast handed dancers
If I was a prayin' man, Lord, I'd say my prayers was answered

On the other side of life
All my pals got kids and wives
Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits
I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name
When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it

Sure there are times when I miss home
But this road is the only life I've ever known
And I know we'll be hittin' that dusty trail soon
Where the only familiar sight is the light of the moon

On the other side of life
All my pals got kids and wives
Mortgages, student loans and cocaine habits
I coulda been the same but I saw a chance to make my name
When opportunity comes you know I'll grab it
And who in the world put antlers on that rabbit?
Track Name: Coffee Blues
I've had no cups of coffee
Put my hat on the wrong feet
Grind the water and boil the beans
But first I'll comb my teeth

I poured one cup of coffee
But my arms were still asleep
Poured half on my lap, half on my shirt
And the third half down my sleeve

I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues
If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse
This here machine she runs on caffeine
I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues

I poured three cups of coffee
Now I'm feelin' purdy hot
When it boils right down to the finest grounds
I'm still an empty pot

I've had five cups of coffee
Now I'm thinkin' bout my eighth
Knees a-quiverin', teeth a-rattlin'
But I'll sweat out these shakes

I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues
If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse
This here machine she runs on caffeine
I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues

I've had eleventeen cups of coffee
Now I'm ready to leave the house
Lock kids in the yard, put the dog in the car
And I locked my darn self out

Now I'm laid out in a gutter
Jus' lookin' for a caffeine fix
Grab some grounds from the trash,
I'll strain 'em through my sock
And chew right through the grits

I got them dirty awful rotten coffee blues
If you got a cup brother I'll seldom refuse
This here machine she runs on caffeine
I got them dirty rotten awful coffee blues
Them filthy stinkin' rotten awful coffee blues
Track Name: Workin' Title
You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view
You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe

Like a worn out piano, driftin' outta tune
I've got the wrong key for every room

You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view
You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe

Like a bottle of whiskey on a hot summer night
You always blame me for startin' every fight

You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view
You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe

Like the wreck of a Cadillac buried in the dirt
I could be worth while but I could use a lot of work

You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view
You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe

Like the highest score on a pinball machine
Nothin's as easy as it seems

You know I've never been to prison, I don't think I'd like the view
You can lead a horse to water but you can't tie his shoe
Track Name: Whisk All The Drinky
My dog left me for another man
My truck ran away with my heart
My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts

I'm gonna whisk all the drinky in this town
I'll get so fall that I drunk down
Them stops might try to cop me
And give me a testalyzer breath

It's just the hair of the cure to dog what ails ya
In bail no pal to jail ya
Spent money rent just a-tonky-honkin' into this mess

My dog left me for another man
My truck ran away with my heart
My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts

I lifted enough whiskey to ship a bottle off the ground
But tonight I let the bottle down
By girlin' every call in my ol' datebook

You got to listen to your veggies and eat your folks
Roll your own whiskey and pour your own smokes
And be sure to cross both ways before you look

My dog left me for another man
My truck ran away with my heart
My woman broke down on the side of the road so I hadta sell her for parts
But she was in pretty rough shape anyways